Poetess

Creative Writing Major

2008-04-15T14:26:00.001-07:00

Hi Tess,

My current living situation is starting to be a mess;
roommates are moving in and out,
and it's giving me too much stress.
I thought that finding a new place might be the better
route
and was hoping that your place might be what it's all
about.

Haha, ok, so that's as far as I can go with the poetry
for now, even though I was a creative writing major!

No Squatter

2008-04-15T07:11:00.002-07:00

I'm friendly, I'm funny,
and I make pretty good money.
Heat, gas, and water
I will pay cuz im no squatter.
I am neat and clean,
certainly no mess,
give me a call
I would like to meet you Tess.

Fright

2008-04-15T07:11:00.001-07:00

Dear Tess the poetess,
I am looking for a room in which to sleep and dream,
And wonder if you know what I mean?
I hear you have such a place up for rent,
And hope that you might not mean a tent.
Though I do like to stare up at the starry night,
Sometimes the darkness makes me shiver with fright.
So please let me know if I might come by and see this place to dwell,
And we shall see if perhaps we also get along swell!
I am an artist, writer, and filmmaker, it's true,
always in search of inspiration with everything I do.
Cheers,

An Ode To Tess

2008-04-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

An Ode to Tess

How stressful to respond in rhyme,
But for poetry, I will make the time!
I'm looking for a place to reside,
I've searched Craigslist far and wide.
Manhattan, Queens, and Brooklyn too
Perhaps I've found a place with you?
My name, I must confess, is [redacted]
(For rhyming it is quite unfit.)
I'm responsible, friendly, quiet and clean,
You seem lovely, I would never be mean.
I have no place to live, it's quite a fix
Call me? [redacted]-six.

Sorry

2008-04-13T07:12:00.001-07:00

...I am sorry that I didn't write to you in verse but I just came across your listing and you sound great and I am running late for a very important date!

Man's Man

2008-04-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

Tess, poetess:
Dear Tess:

Minimalist, smaller bedroom inhabitant --
An offer: no less, from a man, yes.
I confess I'm a man,
But not a man's man.
I'm splitting up from my girlfriend
Three years together.
I relived my childhood: enough.
It rhymed but did not fulfill, you know?
See my site: [website]
The "[redacted]l" folder is visual haiku, I guess.

Damn

2008-04-13T07:09:00.001-07:00

You're a poetic girl named Tess
I'm [Name] and I don't make a mess
In May from [redacted] I will graduate
So I'm looking for a Brooklyn roommate
I'm mellow, artsy, and a bit sarcastic
With cleaning I'm damn fantastic
I want to move mid-May or early June
So I hope that I can meet you soon
I know this poetry is very bad
But if you'd consider me I'd be so glad
I'm usually in Brooklyn for the weekend
So give a call or an email send
To [email address] or [***-***-***4]
And I'll come knocking at your door
But for now there's nothing else to do
Except say "I hope to hear from you"

Laughing At My Expense

2008-04-12T13:14:00.000-07:00

Ok Tess, here we go
I'll tell you some things I think you should know
I'll try to make it rhyme and hope it'll make sense
and that this isn't a joke and you and your friends are laughing at my expense.

My name is [redacted], and I'm 28
I've got a cute little dog, but trust me she's great
she's a mutt and I love her, off the streets of [redacted] I scooped her
as a stray puppy I named her [redacted] but often call her [redacted]

I'm an elementary school art teacher, been doing it for five years now
if you ask me how I dont lose my mind I'd laugh and say well, here's how
I love making art which is why I moved here
to be surrounded by artists, and have been in [redacted] over two years

I have a studio on [redacted] and in [redacted] a gallery
which helps out a bit on a not quite new york city salary
I am a musician too, play accoustic guitar from time to time
I hope the song writing is helping me here with these rhymes

I am always working on some sort of project
have an inclination to be creative and like all things to that effect
got some furniture and lots of plants
love to cook but also love restua..rants?

so i hope this says enough, though i have alot more left to say
and would like to meet you, and see the place, maybe this afternoon, or sunday?

PS

2008-04-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Tess,
I am, quite sadly, no poet.
(Though with 4 years of English, you know it
is quite a pity,
but here in the city,
I've never had cause to show it.)
I intern and work,
my bills I shan't shirk,
I enjoy some Kraftwerk,
and promise to never go berk.
Ms. Tess,
I'm no mess,
of that I am certain,
I can sweep, I wash dishes,
I hang a mean curtain.
My rhymes are quite awful
(which is quite hard to rhyme with)
I'll have to use "waffle" or "falafel"
forthwith and herewith.
I wave the flag of surrender,
and lack a good ender
for this messy bit of poesy.
My wordsmith skills are quite slender,
lacking in splendor,
but if you want to know more about me, just ask.
[phone number]

--[name]

PS: This isn't some sort of fake posting you're going to compile a book of bad verse with, is it?

City Girl

2008-04-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

Oh Tess Dear Tess
Ill sing it to you sweetly
Like Porgy and Bess
The summertime
Won't be easy
If my head has no place to rest
See, I'm a city girl
Born and raised
NYC is my world
But prices rise
And neighborhoods are in disguise
And I can't find
Where to reside
Brooklyns the perfect start
To inspire a singer/actress/musicians heart
By day I am a children lover
Yes I am a child myself, under cover
Free with spontaneity
Searching for inner spirituality
Peace and fun is all I ask
And a roomie who won't wear a mask
But will be a friend
As we travel round the bend
Nothing more or less
Will that be you, Oh Tess Dear Tess?

O

2008-04-11T05:11:00.000-07:00

Hello there Tess
To this I must confess
I am 28 years old
now i will be very bold
i am not really that poetic
however when i have a spare minute
i like to jot down a few lines
to clear up my mind
a struggling actress
a clean one who takes care of her mess
i work full time at [redacted]
to pay my bills and buy my toys
i dont smoke or party alot
like plays and music
i even write lyrics
would love to see the place
see your poetic face
drop a me a line
so i can come by
o and just so you understand
my name is [redacted]

At The Risk

2008-04-11T05:10:00.000-07:00

At the risk of losing all humility,
I beg to rent a bill-y-burg room from thee,
A dance-theatre artist hailing from DC,
I understand your need for po-e-try.

In midst of apps to Gallatin I lie,
For'a Masters in Dance Theatre I apply,
Though twenty-two a recent Georgetown grad,
I come mature, calm, laidback, NEVER plaid.

An artist, gay, and health-conscious I am,
Love Portuguese, sushi, and yoga-bikram.
I'd love to talk to speak to you a tad bit more,
Perhaps without my poetry at core.

Did I Mention

2008-04-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

My search for a room has left me much stressed
My mental state is becoming a mess
After searching so long I find your place best
Oh please grant me the chance to live with thee Tess

A felow minimalist is great to find
Having cluttered space distresses my mind
My personality you'll see is like the sunshine
With rent I shall never be caught in a bind

I'm gay, a great chef, did I mention I'm clean?
I work in fitness and am toned and lean
I communicate well without being mean
I strut down the street as a sight to be seen

To have a home would lay me at rest
May I rest in a home in North Burg with Tess
Should you find you want to take me on
Please write me back, my name is [redacted]

Man Of Mystery

2008-04-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

Hello Tess,
my current place is a mess,
but I digress,
for i wish to impress.

My building's being sold,
or so I've been told.
I don't exactly want to move,
I'd stay but the law would disapprove.

I come from Africa and Brazil
but think me 'a man of mystery' if you will.
My parents took me all over the world,
With travel, a unique perspective unfurled.

I too share a love of writing,
so our home will never be unexciting.
I just don't want any drama,
or trash talking my mama.

I'll hint at my profession,
It's a tool for exponential expression.
It's always a lot of fun,
yet I'm often under the gun,

at this point I'll be polite,
and direct you to my site.

www.[redacted].com
(it's the bomb)

I enjoyed these moments of rhyme,
and I hope it was a wise use of my time.
I applaud your eccentric post,
of all I've written I love yours the most!

If this post is any indication,
I think we'd be an awesome combination.

One Concern

2008-04-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

Hi Poet-Tess,
Very cute, but how can I write a poem of substance
without a few hours to spare?
And to find someone of such ability
I imagine would be quite rare...

I am mid 30's, Australian girl
who writes music and lyrics and such,
I don't smoke or take drugs,
get high on life
and want to find a home very much!

One concern of mine
is the question of "if
we'd always have to talk in rhymes:
t'would make conversation a little stiff....
So could there be times
when words could flow without design
If so, lets meet;
just let me know when for you would be fine....

Crap

2008-04-10T11:29:00.007-07:00

I did not move here with a car
I did not move from very far
My stuff can fit inside a box
I have no pets, no dog, no fox
My presence will be very small
In fact you won’t see me at all
Since at my office I will be
for seems like an eternity
pressing buttons red and blue
where I make movies, tv too
to make the rent payments on time
i’ve never missed one, not a dime
though run on sentence this may be
I’m hoping it will make you see
that even though your name is Tess
I uh..
crap, what rhymes with Tess?

Housing Plea

2008-04-10T11:29:00.005-07:00

Housing Plea

In Baltimore, a raven’s perch, I stayed
just blocks from school, a small and cozy house.
The smallest room of four was where I laid
my mattress on the floor. And though no spouse
lived there with me, my girlfriend stayed to keep
me company. My friends and I, we shared
like family. Then after school, no cheap
endeavor, off to work - no time was spared.
But I stayed there to be with her and look
to no avail, and so no job was done.
Now in the ‘burbs I rest, I’m looking for a nook
for me (and her? and pup?) and summer fun.
So please, dear Tess, let’s meet and become friends.
Let’s sigh and put our searching to an end

MFA

2008-04-10T11:29:00.003-07:00

Dear Tess,

I am a poetess,
seeking a new address
sometime in mid-to-late may;
I possess an MFA
in poetry, and must confess
I edit my own journal, [redacted]
which might be of interest to you
([website]).

I work at a lit agency in the city,
and am able to be quite tidy.
I will pay my bills. My favorite
poet is Stevens, and as you can intuit,
I don’t often write in rhyme,
but have attempted to make the best of your time
and mine.

Yours sincerely,
[Name]

Ace

2008-04-10T11:29:00.001-07:00

Hello Tess,

In Extreme cases of being blessed.
Her name was Tess.

She had never met a [Name] who sadly did not own a pet rat.
Nat wanted to meet Tess so she too could be blessed.

And live in a flat.

[Name] dreamed of a space.
She thought it would be ace.
So she replied to the AD.
And thought my poem ain’t half bad

No Time To Rhyme

2008-04-10T11:28:00.004-07:00

hey tess, don’t have time to rhyme. in my haste, i copy and paste. but don’t get any misgivings, i write tunes for a living

Clean Machine

2008-04-10T11:28:00.003-07:00

The landlord is
Raising my rent
You see
I do production and stand-up comedy

I’m one clean machine
With a quiet tone
Though I am hardly ever home

I love the L Train and Brooklyn
I am in distress
So maybe we can be roommates
Tess?

Dear Tess

2008-04-10T11:28:00.001-07:00

Dear Tess, I saw your ad online tonight,
And want to see your place if you don’t mind.
This searching for apartments is a blight,
And yet for settling low I’m disinclined.

A year’s arrangement suits my scheduling,
And upfront payments do not give me pause.
I pay on time and cause no quarreling,
Indeed, my friendliness must be the cause.

I am a full-time acting student but
In June I’ll be employed as such for real.
I sing while playing keyboard too, and - tut!
I nonetheless live quietly, I feel.

I’ll be in Williamsburg tomorrow night,
And possibly on Friday evening too,
So let me know what time you think is right
And tell me how to take the L to you.

Between six-forty-five and 9 would fall
Ideally, and if so let me know;
Reply - or better yet - give me a call:
[area code]-[number]-2820 (*)

[name]

* Author’s note: The “0” must be pronounced “oh” in order to keep the metre.

By The Heavens

2008-04-10T11:27:00.007-07:00

When the stars and heavens confess,
They grant all their charms flow from Tess.
In each of her verses, their splendor rehearses;
(They’re but shades of her beauty’s excess.)

So writes a true lover of verse.
A poet, and pauper, and worse:
A dreamer of dreams,
with flecks of moonbeams
And magic and more in his purse.

But what of this minimalist, Tess,
Who daily plumbs more from less?
Will her stars be less gloomy
with him as her roomie?
By the heavens, a thousand times, Yes!

A Pause for Breath

2008-04-10T11:27:00.005-07:00

A Pause for Breath

When I decided to move from this noisy spot,
(Bedford and North 6th — I know, desirable to a lot
of people), it was with trepidation and sorrow that I turned
to Craigslist. You would think I would have learned
of some other venue, some other, less fallow spot
to seek accommodation, or else resign myself to rot,
in the grassy damp of some unsheltered glade.

Oh Tess, it’s a month now that I’m looking, and I’m weary of the hunt.
And (though normally I tip-toe tactfully) tonight I must be blunt.
Though rhyme is something I normally leave for the denizens,
of dusty, yellowed books (for example Tennyson),
those poets of faded chapbooks, or at least of Britain.
Still, late this evening I stand smitten
with the vaguely blurry jpegs of your post.

Let me impress upon you, I’m hardly Robert Frost,
still I’ll try to express some bit of me to you, and think later of the cost.
In truth, I prefer Ashbery’s meter, and I studied (just one class) with Strand,
when I was hardly twenty, in a frosty, other land.
That was in Chicago, and ten years have since gone by.
Now I design buildings for a living, and it’s not often that I ply
the poet’s trade.

So forgive my clumsy footing, I’ll try to keep it quick
I’m active and I work hard, and as such I often stick,
around my office (in Chinatown), sometimes ‘till nine or past.
Keeping a generally tidy household is a rule I stick to, fast.
What else? I love reading. Overall I’m quite laid back
I’d love to tell you more of me, in some way that doesn’t smack
of sheepish inability in verse.

So before you drop the curtain, before you bang the gong,
Tess, how about you call me? Perhaps we’d get along
Obviously I can provide references, or whatever else you need
I just need some cozy place to stay, I’m looking for a lead.
Tess, can we set a time up? I have to tell you, I must say,
Your ad was, without question, the best I saw today.
And I saw a lot

Just A Preview

2008-04-10T11:27:00.003-07:00

There once was a girl named Tess,
Whose place was hopefully not a total mess,
She put an ad on craiglist,
Which I’m glad I hadn’t missed,
If offered to room with you, I’d say a resounding “YES”!

For you see, I , [name], am on an apartment quest,
For a while now, with Brooklyn I have been obsessed,
I’m looking for a place,
With a little bit of space,
Somewhere I can hang out and also get some rest.

As a grad student, in studying I sometimes delight,
Movies, comedy, and the brain are things that excite,
I value respect
And being direct,
…And that’s just a preview of all the poetry I can write!

2008-04-10T11:27:00.001-07:00

Not Really A Poet

2008-04-10T11:26:00.005-07:00

Hi Tess,

You apartment does not look like much of a mess.

I am twenty-four and need a place

I promise I wont take up much space.

I am not really a poet

But I bet you are saying, “[name], I know it.”

No Worry

2008-04-10T11:26:00.003-07:00

My name is [redacted]
[redacted] is my school,
I saw your ad online
And it seems pretty cool.

Im responsible and reliable
Easy going and clean,
Im easy to get along with
And not at all mean.

I have a guarantor,
so no worry about pay,
Im available asap
So please email or call today!

A Calm Place

2008-04-10T11:26:00.001-07:00

Greetings to you Tess
This room that you have,
I would like to address

For I am in need
Of a place as you se
As my current situation
I shall soon leave

Music and Art are my passions
So my verse skills are weak
But I’m happy to try and
I’m open to critique

In life I am crazed
As New York women are
And I’d like a calm place
To end and start my days

Sanctuary

2008-04-10T11:25:00.004-07:00

To the minimalist named Tess:
Finding myself intrigued by your listing,
Hopeful I am and therefor persisting
So to you I am willed to confess:

A sanctuary is what I now miss,
Confined in a railroad walkthrough
My comfort I will no longer dismiss
For its something that no-one should do.

I imagine that your apartment to be ideal
And a fellow creative is great
I am hoping that the future will reveal
That this meeting is nothing short of fate.

I hope to speak further and show my true merit,
And as a reward, the room I inherit.

cheers

Piss

2008-04-10T11:25:00.003-07:00

Well… hello Tess. My poetic abilities are truly a mess.
Even though poetry isn’t up my alley, I do do sound design for theater and have worked at Columbia in plays there. So maybe if we met we could find an affinity that might turn out to be uncanny.
Even though this seems silly, and it reminds me of this actor named Billy, what i think we should do is setup a meeting so i can meet you.
To talk in prose, not in verse which is what I do best.
And you could meet me, and we’ll be able to see, how cool is that room, and if I have to bring my broom.
Shit… at least you gotta show me the place after this ;-D … and while I wait for your call, I’ll go take a piss

Knees

2008-04-10T11:25:00.001-07:00

tess tess I will not make a mess

Hi I can be your room mate
because I can bake you a cake
so your knees will shake

Im neat
its going to a treat

Call me to set up a meeting
I will answer with a greeting

Thanks,

[redacted]

So Fresh and So Clean

2008-04-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

Ok I’ll bite. Not really poetic, but I think that do have a certain
aesthetic when it comes to words so I’ll give it a shot.

i just read your ad
and it sounds good to me
can i make an appointment to come and see?

the pics look nice
so i’ll roll the dice
so manhattan island i can flee

brooklyns da bomb
so i’ve heard
i’m ready for a new hood

i’m gainfully employed
so fresh and so clean
basically a good dude

Feathered And Tarred

2008-04-10T11:23:00.001-07:00

Dear Potential Roommate Poetess Tess,
My apartment search is quite a mess.
I’ve searched high and low, and I must confess,
I have nothing to show but duress!

I have no pets, don’t smoke, and like to keep clean;
I’m respectful and quiet, I won’t make a scene.
Though school is stressful I won’t act obscene;
working simultaneously, I’m wealthy as a queen.

I’m seeking a place to stay for a year,
somewhere peaceful but active; somewhere that’s near.
Since I’ve lived in Manhattan, it’s become somewhat clear
that more space would help my mind, soul, and career.

I’m an art student now, and I work pretty hard,
I’ve an openness to poetry and respect for the Bard.
I’d enjoy living with another creative card
in an area where I won’t fear being feathered and tarred.

Your apartment looks beautiful, I will say
If it’s as great in real life, I’d be ready to pay!
A year is how long I’m looking to stay.
If my rhymes weren’t too offensive, call me today!

Forgive Me

2008-04-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

A poet I am not,
So forgive me if I get caught,
sneaking in a few non-rhyming lines

I've been living in the East Village since September,
but Williamsburg is the New York I want to remember,
so it's time for a change

I'm a gay, professional and twenty-four
I'd describe my job but I don't want to bore,
suffice to say that I'm happy at the end of the day

A question about the apartment if I may,
How is it in Williamsburg so little there is to pay?

North fourth and what street I'd like to ask,
Finding a subway hopefully is not a tricky task,
Or else this might not work for me

As you can tell my rhyming is getting awfully dull,
So I'll send off this e-mail for you to mull,
Please let me know if you think we could fit,

Adrift

2008-04-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Adrift in want of an anchor,
In these waves that need and need,
a home warm without rancor.

If Tess gave, I would thank her,
For the rent posted and agreed
Adrift in want of an anchor.

Together dinner parties we will conquer
And maybe friendship will stampede
A home warm without rancor.

Swollen and steely as a tanker
My responsibility would exceed
Adrift in want of an anchor

We each a freethinker
Could expound and feed
A home soft without rancor.
Which could be a sort of bunker
That all would want to heed
Adrift in want of an anchor
A home warm without rancor